It Still Sucks...

...and forever it will be like that.

!! DISCLAIMER !!

**This post will be full of rambling and craps you may not wanna know about. Navigate away if so.**

I hate everything that is happening to me right now.

Everything is so wrong that nothing will ever be right for me.

I cannot do anything that can make myself happy.

It's "rebellious".

I cannot say what I want.

It's "rude".

I cannot decide for myself.

It's "wrong".

And it costs me litres of tears that I cannot even shed.

Yes, you read it right.

I cannot cry when I'm sad and angry.

It's "pathetic" and "inappropriate".

Then, what is left for me to do?

None.

I must follow even if it hurts. Even if I don't want to.

And to be like that is like having the whole world crashed on my shoulders.

It's burdening me, suffocating me and turning me into a negative person I never want to be.

But I don't have any choice, do I.

I waited and waited and waited.

For things to be just a lil bit nicer for me if not tremendously.

Now i know it's not gonna happen.

What should i do?

I dont wanna be a drama queen or a quitter.

So, I guess I'll just wait and hold on.

Till then, let's hope I have an amazing level of patience, just enough to go through this shit test.

Oh. And to the person that i am not suppose to miss, I will try not to miss you now that you are going away.

p/s: rindu diri yang dahulu-stronger and better.