Hello, I Miss You.

Yeah. Dad.

I miss you everyday.

Today I miss you a lot more.

Maybe because I feel lonelier today.

Maybe because I cant see you concretely anymore.

Maybe because I forget about you yesterday so it stings more today.

Maybe because it has been a long time already and I still cant accept, somehow. 

I miss you, Dad.

I love you, Dad.

See you later, Dad.

May you be ok there, Dad. 

"I miss you, 

I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow

My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you"

-"I Miss You" by Miley Cyrus

Pintu Hati

source: Google.com

Aduhai.

Logik mudah.

Kalau tak mahu masuk, jangan diketuk pintu itu.

Tapi kau degil.

Ketuk juga.


Berkali-kali pula tu.

Hampir pecah pintu itu kau buat.

Aku baru sahaja ganti pintu itu.

Tahu?


Masih ketuk?

HAISH.

Ok. Ok. Ok.

Aku buka.

Jadi.

Mana kau?


Jangan sampai aku tutup semula tak buka-buka.

Bidadari Ku

Ada ketika hati merasakan
Mungkin sudah tiba masa ku lepas jasad mu pergi
Ingin ditahan biar bersama abadi
Namun tak mampu kerna bukan kudrat ku
Apa yang bisa cuma berdoa
Hingga di sana moga bersama semula


Bidadari ku

jasad mu lemah

jiwa mu ampuh

jasad ku gagah
jiwa ku rapuh

source: fozz25.blogpsot.com

WHEN

When the one you trust the most betray you
When the one you love the most abandon you
When the one you want to be with went missing
When the one you always turn to, turn his back to you
When the one you believe in the most does not believe in you
When the one you think about the most forgets about you
When the one you seek directions from let you be lost alone 
When the one who has sense makes no sense

When you lost count how many times you cry 
When you forget the last time you felt genuinely happy
When you drown yourself with suffocating thoughts that refuse to budge
When you lay naked, cold, alone, helpless, scared, panicked, confused;

Where do you go?
What would you do?

Because no matter where you go you always get lost
Because no matter what you do things still go wrong

People say you are not strong enough
People say you do not try hard enough
BUT of course, they are not YOU
and have no clue whatsoever about being YOU

Then, you would get tired
of trying
of wanting
of being

Then, you would wanna sleep
Then, you would not wanna wake up

So you close your eyes

and say goodbye.

Before I Sleep {#2}

source: tumblr.com

...if that's the least that I could hope for

See you tomorrow, life.

New Air

source: pinterest.com

because it's just that easy

Truth is.

source: classy-qts.xanga.com

And you are the right person at the wrong time, man. 

I don't want want you, keep telling myself

That I don't want you

But I can't have you

It's crazy

It's getting so hard to stay away from you

But I still miss you

I don't want want you, keep telling myself

That I don't want you

But I wanna call you

Say I'm sorry but I can't be the one for you

Cause I can't be with you

- Pixie Lott, "WANT"

Susah Menyusahkan

Wah seronok kau ketawa. 
Pasti hati kau mati. 
Mungkin buta. 
Maka kerana itu tidak ternampak 
apa lagi merasa 
akan susah orang kerana susah kau. 

Eh ketawa lagi.
Jika diturut marah 
sudah lama muka kau ke tanah.
Ketawa tak henti
hingga telinga kau jadi tuli
suara orang kau susahkan tak dipeduli.

Ish makin kuat ketawa!
Tanduk makin naik.
Bodoh.
Sudah lah susah tambah menyusahkan.
Jangan pula sampai nanti semua pergi
biar kau sorang menyusahkan sendiri. 

Akai ada?

WE

we are not together
seriously, obviously, NOT
as you are tied with her
and I'm tied with him; a knot 

but we love each other
or is it just me?
not sure if we fit as lover
but I hope you don't disagree

no, really, we are never together
what makes me think we could be together?
though somehow or rather, if i may ponder
could it be that we are meant for each other?

p/s: don't tempt me or I'm really gonna get you :)

Before I Sleep {#1}

source: pinterest.com

think about it.

till I fall asleep.

Rindu Terbuku

Sudah ku beri amaran 
Jangan main soal perasaan 
Jika tak mampu bertahan 
Menjaga yang tertawan 

Pujukan manis 
Rayuan menggoda 
Berakhir dengan tangis 
Seorang mengharung duga 

Tapi hati masih merindu 
Meski tak dapat diluah 
Hanya mampu terbuku 
Di lubuk hati remuk berdarah

source: deviantart.com

Awan Ke-9

"Boleh tak jangan kau terus sakiti hati aku lagi?"

"Ah. Apa apa saja lah. Bye."


Hujan hati berguguran. Satu persatu manik-manik perasaan itu kelihatan jatuh dari ruang mata nya. 

Perasaan. 

Mainan. Igauan. Perselisihan. 

Dia sudah tidak berdaya. Jika terus diidam bulan jatuh ke riba, jiwa bisa jadi gila.

Lalu,


"Hello, Sang Awan"

"Hello, gadis"

"Lama tidak dengar berita"

"Aku hilang bukan maksudnya tiada"

"Hiburkan lara hatiku"

"Bagaimana?"

"Terserah"

"Nyanyian?"

"Boleh juga"


Dan lara itu kian hilang demi terdengarnya tiupan bait-bait manis Sang Awan.

Jika bisa, mahu dihenti nya putaran masa. 

Badan di bumi, tapi segala yang didalamnya - hati, minda, jiwa, emosi, fikiran - ada di atas sana, di awan ke-sembilan.

Persetankan yang lain. Dia cuma mahu tinggal di atas sana. Manis, tiada pernah pahit. Indah, tiada pernah gelita. Bahagia, tiada pernah sengsara.

Cuma itu mungkin terlalu sempurna. Dan setiap yang terlalu sempurna itu hanya lah bayangan idaman jiwa yang kekeringan. Menjadikannya kosong dan sia-sia.


"Hello, gadis. Apa kau fikirkan?"

"Kesempurnaan yang tiada"

"Apa?"

"Banyak soal lah kau."

"Maaf."

"Ya. Jangan tinggalkan aku."

"Mana mungkin..."

"Jangan."

"Maaf."

"Awan..."

"Maaf."


Hilang tiupan damai.

Terjatuh dia ke alam nyata.

Dan satu persatu manik-manik perasaan itu kelihatan jatuh dari ruang mata nya. 


Sekali lagi. 


Sendiri menanti.

source: vi.sualize.us

Who Am I?

So, this morning I woke up thinking about the question "Who Am I?"

Oh yes I can be that serious the moment I wake up. LOL.

And then I got up, grabbed my lappy, and hopelessly google-ed "Who Am I?"

BAYM! ---> numerous links to random online personality tests. -.-"

I mindlessly picked the one testing for bipolar tendency. My mood swings are terrible. I can be such an angel the first minute and real bitch the next one. My man and friends have to succumb to my emotional roller-coaster ever since they first knew me. SORRY. 

And yeah. I answered all the Qs and guess what I got?

First try O-o

Second try o__o

finally, :|

HOLY !#%#%$&(*&*^&^%^$$@

HAHA! Didn't know I have potential bipolar traits. Tsk tsk tsk. 

That reminds me to the time I took another personality test with the counselling people during the carnival, I got a score of plus minus 21 for Gold (the by-the-book, disciplined people) and plus minus 20 for Orange (the rule-breaker, impulsive people). 

The person who analysed my scores said, 

"You have...split personalities?" 

and I was like, "I thought everybody has?" 

and she was like, "But you are so...contradicting...within...yourself..." 

and I was like, "Errr okayyyyy -.- " 

No. Seriously. I mean. LOL! HAHAHA.

Then I took some other tests and I discovered that I am a:

From truecolorscareer.com

From colorcode.com

And that I am SENTIMENTAL, LAZY, OUTSPOKEN and PASSIONATE from:

source: psikita

I had fun getting to know myself through these tests. I mean, sometimes I forgot who I am and by having these tests, I am reminded again. 

However, maybe by knowing why you are here living on Earth, then you can discover the real you. 

So.

WHO ARE YOU?

(",)

Tie Dye Fun! {YOLO}

Yesterday I tired something new : TIE DYE ART!

And it was SUPER FUN!

Embrace new things and you might find yourself surprised. In my case, in a good way. :)

Enjoy the pics!

Firstly, kita kena gulung gulung baju tu, buat ikut bentuk 'spiral' ke ape ke, and ikat ketat ketat dengan getah.

Bila dah ikat dengan getah, apply dye tu ikut sections yang dah di bahagikan dengan getah. Biru ke kuning ke  merah ke. Ikut kreativiti la.

Pelajar jurusan seni (yang wanita) yang baik hati tu cakap, tak boleh takut takut atau ragu ragu masa nak apply warna tu. Efek "tak sengaja" tu akan jadi lebih cantik. Mistakes are allowed lah, which is the best part of this art. 

Seperti di dalam kehidupan kita, kalau takut-takut, kalau ragu-ragu, memang tak akan belajar benda baru, memang tak akan maju. Bila buat kesilapan, kita belajar, kita perbaiki, kita maju. Kalau tidak sampai bila pun tak tahu. Ye dak? 

Ok. Next. 

Jadi, kawan saya Naim buat warna biru di tengah, then spreads to red and yellow. 

Kalau ikat ikut pattern begini, bila buka nanti baju tu akan ada pattern spiral or macam pattern spider web.

Tiba masa giliran wanita. Kali ni, guna tshirt warna light pink. Nak tengok jugak akan ada perubahan warna ke tak.

Untuk cubaan kali kedua, geng wanita decided to ikat baju ala ala pocong ke cano ntah. Tapi buat banyak banyak la. Macam rajah di atas. Maaf jika tidak jelas. Proses yang sama, lepas dah tie, kita dye. Untuk ini, banyak la warna yang diguna bercampur campur. Cantik sangat.

So, bila dah siap proses ikat-celup atau "tie-dye", kita kena tunggu baju tu kering semalaman maksimum sebelum buat proses matikan warna tu. Ini bagi mengelak warna tu luntur bila dibasuh. Nak matikan, kena guna special solution, nama apa ntah, tapi ada kaitan dengan silika la. So, nak tengok hasil nya, kena tunggu. 

Kena sabar menunggu. 

Benda molek tak datang bergolek.

Apa apa pun, it was FUN! 

Moralnya;

Jangan takut mencuba benda baharu. 

Moralnya;

Jangan takut buat kesilapan kerana kesilapan mengajar kita baiki diri sendiri untuk jadi lebih baik. 

Sekian. 

***

UPDATED!!!

The Results are in!

Feast your eyes!

BEAUTIFULLY DONE, RIGHT? 

<3

UiTM Mock Trial 2012: Just My 99 Cents

So. UiTM Mock Trial 2012: Musical Extraganza. Whaddya think?

I think, it was an okay. Not awesome, not awful. And my judgement is purely based on the Tweets and from my own experience going to the practice sessions and from a comparison with another show by professional theater production. Yes, I did not watch it. But, this post is just a response to the bashful tweets.

Some tweeted that it was so bad it insulted their intelligence. But, you see, dear bashers, (and I am not saying this because of Dya), I had seen worse shows done by PROFESSIONAL theater productions. No, I do not like the Radna Kadhal thingy. The values, the themes, the plot, the characters - I have seen it all in many other Tamil or Hindi movies. I could even predict what's gonna happen next. But of course, the acting by Aloy Paradoks especially was TIP-TOP. THAT was Radna Kadhal. But we are commenting on UiTM Mock Trial 2012. Done by Law students. A second production. Still a beginner. Insult your intelligence? Really? Was it because there were no values whatsoever to you OR you could not find the values yourself? Now, look closely.

From what I understood, (because I had accompanied my friend to the practice sessions) and from the promotion poster, the value is to understand that the judges in the world may give false trial and thus give injustice jurisdiction, BUT the ultimate judge would be The Divine, "The One" who would judge all of us in the second and final trial in the hereafter. Thus, the last witness, "Saksi Terakhir", that would have the last say, that would determine who's innocent and who's guilty is - God. And I think that value is quite a BANG BANG BOOM, compared to the values or messages that Radna Kadhal tried to convey. All I'm saying is, how could such values insult anybody's intelligence? Not mine, for sure. Or maybe. I am not intelligent enough to find it insulting. Idk.

Yes, there were some technical flunks, as I heard. Radna Kadhal, on the first day of viewing, pun ada kesilapan teknikal yang major. Contoh, projector tak project subtitles yang crucial untuk faham skrip sebab pelakon berrtutur bahasa Tamil. So, you see, itu produksi Radna Kadhal. Itu produksi profesional. TETAPI ramai juga beri review memberangsangkan. So? Cano tu?

I think people were being too bashful instead of giving constructive critiques. There is a friend of us in there. Be considerate. The production team is still a junior. Be considerate. Of all the possible good values that could be learnt, only the flaws and faults were found. And we talk about wanting to foster positive thinking. Pfft.

This is just my 99 cents.

Hope this does not insult anybody's intelligence.

Peace.

Mega Drama of the Week

So, last Friday, iols went back to Dengkil, aka, le new casa of le sistah. On my way there, I heard the news that le lecturer went over the moon due to the fact that there were only 5 of my classmates who managed to enter the classroom before he locked the door. Yup. They still do that in universities. I support his action, though. I could only imagine his disappointment. That happened AFTER he warned us that he would lock the door. I think I would do the same if I were him. Maybe more. I am not proud of the fact that I skipped the  class but I had family matters. Not that I purposely did not wanna go. So I wonder what made my classmates behaved like that. Funny, funny. Kesian lecturer tu. *if they read this, me gonna be hated for real*

That put aside, on the night, there was UiTM Mock Trial 2012: Musical Extravaganza. Of course, I had to miss the event. Sad, yeah. Because my bestie, Dya Jasni , was one of the actresses. Am I a proud mama or what? But you know, family ALWAYS come first. To prove that, many things have to be sacrificed. And Dya totally understands my situation, thus, a bestie. So, I called her before she went on stage to wish her "Good Luck" and there I thought, "Okay lahhhhhh. She would do great." Next thing I knew, people were "KINDA" bashing the production team on Twitter. I was in the car travelling to Segamat, and my only source to updates on the event is Twitter. So, I scrolled through the page and I could not find any positive remarks. And I found it very shocking because sincerely I do not think it would be that bad. (full review in the next post).  Thousands of hugs for the production team and my Dya. Sokkay. Things would not be as fun without challenges. :)

Aaaaaaand then, sampai lah Segamat. Pom pang pom pang kahwin nikah dan sebagainya, my granny pulak tiba-tiba jatuh sakit. Lung infection. She's very stubborn. Takmau minum ayaq semua ada. Pahtu demam panas. But I dont know whether I could laugh or not bila dia meracau racau tu (demam panas kan), dia seru nama Chong Wei. What a fan. So Chong Wei, kau jumpa nenek aku nanti, mohon salam cium kaki. Hahahaha! But my granny's getting better. Called my mom last night, she said tok dah bercakap seperti biasa = garang = sihat. Lol. 

Aaaaaaaand yesterday, I was over the cloud 9. *hint hint*. HAHAHAHA!

Kepada Sang Awan,

Awak kalah di atas padang
Tapi menang selalu di hati saya.

Aiceh. Hahaha. Kbye.

Oh. And then semalam pergi IKEA dengan Dya dan Po. Then only I realised I lost my ATM card. Pungkoq sunggoh. GRRRRRR.

Soooo, quite an emotional weekend I had. Sad lah, happy lah, fluffy lah, angry lah, disappointed lah. But that's life lah. My life, at least.

And these do not include YOLO dramas.

Pfft.

Efek Tiga Kata

Dia: 

"Hati-hati tidur nanti"

Saya: 

"Ye ye saya tahu lah."

Hati Saya: 

Recipes: Hearty Macaroni Soup

So the annual monsoon season has hit Malaysia. People everywhere are talking about how cold it is these days and  that lazy bugs have been biting every soul.

But I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE monsoon season. My heart goes very mellow. My head goes very dreamy and sleepy. My body goes cuddle-hungry. My tummy goes wild for warm food.

And warm food is the best as it somehow makes you happier and content.

I dont know.

Like Sheldon Cooper's mom said,

"When someone is sad (or something like that), we must offer the person a warm beverage". 

Or like they say warm food is comfort food.

Or like warm sunshine radiating happiness.

Bottom line; anything warm is uplifting!

And what is warmer and healthier than a bowl of "Hearty Macaroni Soup"? It is delicious and can be easily prepared as well. Perfect as a meal on a rainy day and lazy day!

Now, lets check out the recipes!

Ingredients:

Macaroni (a handful or a cup, or more, per person)

Beef broth/stock (enough for boiling up the macaroni and as soup base)
Tomato puree (1 1/2 tbsp for every cup of broth)

Minced beef (omit this if you prefer vegetarian meal)

Root vegetables (carrots, potatoes, celery, zucchini, etc)

Herbs (oregano, thyme)

Ground black pepper and salt to taste

Grated parmesan cheese to satisfaction :)

Steps:

1) Prepare all the ingredients. Heat up the broth in a pot.

2) Once the broth boils up, put in the tomato puree and macaroni.

3) When the macaroni is already half-cooked, put in the veges and the meat.

4) Turn down the heat and let everything simmer to deliciousness.

5) After about 10 minutes, or when everything is cooked and tender, put off the heat and ladle the goodness into a nice bowl.

6) Stir in the herbs.

7) Season with salt and pepper.

8) Top it up with a mountain of grated parmesan cheese.

AND FINALLY

9) Set yourself on a couch. Turn on your favorite show. Enjoy!

My final product :D

* darn. I'm salivating while writing these down. T.T *

A Fight

...


You know what they say about us having many sides. 

Well right now, mine are having a fight.


Head says, 

"Think about your future. About your life. Do not follow heart. She does not know a thing but to ruin. Trust me, I know."


Heart says,

"Future? Pfft. Life? Pfft. Follow me and you will be happy. No regrets. If this is life, then you must be living in hell, girl. Pfft. Trust me, I have felt all that."


Good says,

"Think about your loved ones. Do not be such a whiner. Life ain't that hard. You just have to live harder. Trust me. You are better than this."


Bad says,

"Pfft. I think it's about time that you think about yourself and yourself only. Chances have been given. No changes have been made. Pfft. Now, now. Just go with heart. Things could never get any worse than how things are right now, right? Trust me. You will be fine."

Damn it. 

Damn confusion.

I hate it when I'm stuck.

Stupid voices. 

Often. I just sleep it off. 


Day.

Wake up new. 

Live. 

Fake.

Fake.

Fake.


Night.

Think.

Think.

Think.

Worn out.

Sleep it off.


Until?


*sigh*




where is the happiness that used to be mine?

Surat untuk Sang Matahari

Pinau mataku menahan silau.
Terjahan tiba-tiba ku belum sedia.
Bagai mengubat hati yang galau,
Silau itu menjadi cahaya.

Oh rupanya si Cinta Pertama.
Pernah kita terpisah dua.
Kini ku sesat, kau menjelma semula,
Mungkin juga bayangan kenangan lama. 

Ku ingat senyum mu, hati suam,
Hilang bulan awan pencetus muram.
Ku gapai tak tercapai, hati sejuk,
Terkenang peristiwa hati diremuk.

Ah, entah apa ku cari dari mu.
Sedang ku tahu tak mungkin bersatu.
Halangan yang tua tidak membantu.
Harap masa mengubat pilu.

Sekali lagi mungkin terbelah.
Sekali lagi mungkin kecewa.
Tapi hati tak pernah mengalah.
Dilayan juga perasaan jiwa.

Takdir telah temukan kita.
Jodoh mungkin pisahkan kita.
Permainan kejam menguji iman.
Harus tabah lulus dugaan.

Hanya doa pada Yang Esa
Moga kita semua akan bahagia
Di sini di dunia. 
Di sana di syurga. 

source: here

Senyum.

Buang tangis.

Senyum.

Masih ada yang manis.

-tamat-

p/s: secebis dirimu dalam diriku, selamanya terpahat.

Amaran untuk Sang Awan

Hei awan

Baca molek ini amaran

Jangan dikorek rahsia hati rawan

Atau tuan hati kirim ribut taufan

Khuatir kau tak terlawan

Surat untuk Sang Awan

Tika diriku hilang punca 
Kau muncul dari atas sana
Jauh pergi diriku kau bawa
Jauh dari laman hati luka

Hati ini masih sangsi
Mungkin niatmu beza dari pekerti
Harap ku kau tidak sekeji
Bulan yang pergi tidak kembali

Sangsi ku palsu, wahai awan,
Kau kawan, bukan lawan,
Kata kau, "senyum lah, jangan rawan",
Luka ku hilang, hati tertawan.

Sedang ku nyaman menumpang lindung
Dikejut kenyataan membawa mendung
Yang kau bukan untuk ku bendung
Timbul rasa hampa terpaksa ku kerudung.

Ku kata, "aku harus pergi"
Kau diam, senyum tiada lagi,

Kau kata, "janganlah pergi nanti sunyi"
Aku senyum, meski hati mula sepi. 

Lalu aku pergi, hati terbelah,
Bersama tangis, bersama lelah.

Maaf.

Aku terkhilaf.


Ingin memiliki yang bukan milikku.

Ingin bersatu dengan yang berdua.


Biar matahari sinari gelap hati ini.