Of Bitch and Jackass

You look into my eyes and say, “Bitch”. Right there, straight in my eyes, just as how it was when you said you love me.

See, I always thought of you as a man of actions instead of words because that’s how it is with you. Your “I Love You” can be when you lend me money when I had none or when you bought me food that I craved so bad though I never said a word or when you still came to my big days though you were so tired from your own big days or when you brought me to places I’ve always wanted to go but could never afford like the waterfalls, the jungles, the beaches and the restaurants. And your “I Hate You” can be when you talked rudely or when you made yourself distant or when you basically crushed me with your coldness. You said you hate me but you treat me my favorite small tubs of strawberry yoghurt in the next minute because I said I was hungry.  So, you see, I pay attention more in what you do than in what you say.

But then the day comes when you finally show that you meant what you say. That you think I am a “Bitch”. And you say it with your hands balled up in two angry fists, ready to punch me to death. Oh, is it me? Sorry. Isn’t it enough? Maybe it isn’t. Maybe I really am a bitch. Or maybe it is just you as your jackass self.

Either way, it is over. Surprisingly, I am relieved.  For now at least. I know I would be all crazy for you again, but, now, it is nothing and I like nothing because I don’t have to care for shit. So I’m glad. And I know you feel the same. No texts no calls no nothing. Maybe it is better like this. Every hot thing would have to cool down sooner or later. It’s natural. Till we find the flame, let’s just cool down and stop being bitch and jackass to each other.

And if you find it first, you know where to look for me. Deep down in you. That’s where I’m gonna wait.

This time, please, knock before you enter.

P/s: I still believe in you, mr.jackass, because no one’s that heartless J . NOT even you.