The One That Got Her Heart Pumped Up {#1}

She picked him up. Nervous as hell. She liked him so bad though his heart belongs to someone else. But then again, HER heart does not care. It wants him and it needs him. So they went out to eat somewhere.

She dressed down, trying not to make it obvious. But the neon blush on her cheeks screamed nervousness and extra everything. Extra feelings, extra care, extra LOVE. Whaddaheck. Calm your tits, bitch, said her ego. So she put on her drama face, laughing her heart out to his awkward jokes; a bit too loud, perhaps. She forgot how to drive suddenly. He laughed. She steered a bit too left. He smiled. She missed the turn. But they arrived safely nonetheless.

She placed the order. Just a snack. He didn’t order for anything. Just ate an elephant, he said. She laughed; a bit too high-pitched. He just stared at her. Cute one, he said. Fuck. She wanted to hug him and run together to somewhere. Of course she couldn’t. So she just sat there, as nervous as hell, like she were sitting on top of piranha biting her ass off.

Then, the order came. She sipped. Funny noises came out. Awkward moment. He shrugged. She asked what’s wrong. Just some injuries, he said. God, she wanted to ask at which part so that she could tend them, care them, kiss them…BAM!

Tomato or chili sauce, he asked. Tomato, she said. YOU, her heart yelled. This is a disaster, she thought as he reached for his phone, texting someone. She got curious as a damn cat. He looked up and smiled adorably. Damn it! Not the smile, babe! Damn you, she muttered.

Tick Tock Tick Tock. One hour passed. They say time gets jealous when good stuff happens.Jealous,much, now, time?

Then it was time to depart. She wanted to stay longer. With him. Just the two of them. Like Rahul and Anjali. But how could she? Sigh. She wanted to confess. Like seriously say to him; HEY, don’t make a mistake by staying with her. I am the one. I am your fuckin left ribs. Not her. She’s just… HAIP! What was that?! Calm your tits, lil tramp! Ugh.

She was confused. Should she just confess and risk their friendship? Is it really just a friendship? Does he feel like how she feels? She asked herself all these as she watched him walked away from her. Painfully. Longingly.

. . . to be continued!

Of Bitch and Jackass

You look into my eyes and say, “Bitch”. Right there, straight in my eyes, just as how it was when you said you love me.

See, I always thought of you as a man of actions instead of words because that’s how it is with you. Your “I Love You” can be when you lend me money when I had none or when you bought me food that I craved so bad though I never said a word or when you still came to my big days though you were so tired from your own big days or when you brought me to places I’ve always wanted to go but could never afford like the waterfalls, the jungles, the beaches and the restaurants. And your “I Hate You” can be when you talked rudely or when you made yourself distant or when you basically crushed me with your coldness. You said you hate me but you treat me my favorite small tubs of strawberry yoghurt in the next minute because I said I was hungry.  So, you see, I pay attention more in what you do than in what you say.

But then the day comes when you finally show that you meant what you say. That you think I am a “Bitch”. And you say it with your hands balled up in two angry fists, ready to punch me to death. Oh, is it me? Sorry. Isn’t it enough? Maybe it isn’t. Maybe I really am a bitch. Or maybe it is just you as your jackass self.

Either way, it is over. Surprisingly, I am relieved.  For now at least. I know I would be all crazy for you again, but, now, it is nothing and I like nothing because I don’t have to care for shit. So I’m glad. And I know you feel the same. No texts no calls no nothing. Maybe it is better like this. Every hot thing would have to cool down sooner or later. It’s natural. Till we find the flame, let’s just cool down and stop being bitch and jackass to each other.

And if you find it first, you know where to look for me. Deep down in you. That’s where I’m gonna wait.

This time, please, knock before you enter.

P/s: I still believe in you, mr.jackass, because no one’s that heartless J . NOT even you.

Dear Crush.

You juggling my heart

Not okay

Why?  

Well, you see

I just collected the pieces of it

Stick them together

With the glue that I bought from Happiness

All by myself, alone and lonely

And it is not cheap you know

I have to trade it with my tears and memories

And once it is one again

Stronger and Harder

You came

Effortlessly softening the thing

With the lullabies, the promises, the smiles

OH DAMN THE SMILES

that corrode my heart

As now it yearns for you

The one who is too good to be true

So what do I do?

Temporary Glory

I hope you are happy

now that all the doom is on me

While you secretly delight

over my heart that you had mindlessly bite

And you may even think that you have won

Standing on top of the worldly glory and power

Not realizing that soon it would be torn

by another Power ; always watching over

Rock on it, boy

Because you still can, for now.

But be careful, boy

The time will come soon, from now.

A Great Comeback

To you, Mr. Liar

the Soul-reaping creature

Never tire

Trying to burn my future

With your honey-coated lies

Of non-existing paradise

sweetly blinding my eyes

silently deceiving my conscience

Leaving me, once, empty and hollow

Accompanied by Mr. Sorrow

With no chance for tomorrow

Being forever a zero.

But God bless you, Mr. Liar,

For because of you now I am stronger

And surely better

With golden future.

Bitter Realization

Tick tock tick tock

Time ticks non-stop

Earth rotates, but I’m stuck

still here, always here, waiting

For you to come back

For miracles to happen

But miracles aint gonna happen

Miracles aren’t real

And so were your feelings

And so were us

And so are you.

Oh it hurts.

The truth hurts.